The Aspirations Coach: March 2012

Tuesday 27 March 2012

The defintion of insanity is......................

Progress: Creating Lasting Change

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and again, expecting different results- Einstein

I don’t know about you but I have been insane for many, many years. Stuck in the same patterns, the same cycles, doing the same thing over and over again wondering why things weren’t getting any better. I’d really build myself up to stop smoking, I’d stop, then something would happen, I’d get annoyed and then start smoking again. I think I did that every year for about 7-8 years!

Or, you’d get all motivated and inspired about something. Maybe it’s coming into summer and you’ve got a holiday coming up- Bikini Time! For about 3 days, you will be very good and eat fresh veg and lots of fruit, drink more water, go for walks and then on the 4^th day, you have a glass of wine, then 2, then a third and then you’ll go get a kebab or Chinese because you’re annoyed with yourself for having shoddy willpower!

Let me just point out one thing- Everyone does this. This is why change can be so scary sometimes. For changes to be of any true value, they have to be lasting and consistent. We’ve all experienced change for a moment, only to be let down and disappointed in ourselves in the end. In fact, many people attempt change with a sense of fear and dread because subconsciously they believe that the changes will only be temporary. There are three very simple principles that I have learned through my studies that can be used immediately to change your life.

1. Raise your standards- If you really want to make a change in your life, the very first thing that you must do is to raise your standards. By this I mean demanding more from yourself. Write down all the things you will no longer tolerate in your life, all the things you will no longer accept and all the things that you aspire to do, be and have.

2. Change Your Limiting Beliefs- If you demand more from yourself but don’t really believe that you’ll be able to reach that level, you’ve already sabotaged yourself. You won’t even try because you will be lacking the certainty that allows you to tap into your true potential. Our beliefs are like unquestionable commands, telling us how things are, what’s possible, what’s impossible, what we can do and what we can’t do. Our beliefs shape every action, every thought and every feeling we experience. As a result, changing our belief system is central to making any real and lasting change in our lives. We must develop the sense of certainty that we can and will meet the new standards before we actually do.

4. Change your strategy- Do something different to get results. Think outside the box. ‘Jobless Paddy’ hit the headlines earlier last year because he hired a billboard in Dublin City Centre to advertise himself to potential employers. He had been sending out CV’s and was getting nowhere. He changed his strategy and had his choice of opportunities.

Brainstorm different ways and two heads are better than one. A great way to change your strategy and one that I recommend to all of my clients is to get yourself a mentor. Find someone who has been there and is getting the results that you want. Tap into their knowledge; learn what they’re doing, what their core beliefs are and how they think.

The problem in life is that lots of people know what to do but they don’t do what they know. Knowing is not enough, you always need to take action. By using these strategies, you can immediately change your results. I bet that I’m not telling you anything new here, I’m simply reminding you of what you already know and asking you to do something with it!

Life is a gift and it offers us the privilege, opportunity and responsibility to give something back by becoming more..... Who will you become?

I hope you enjoyed this issue of Progress! Please feel free to get in touch and share any of your thoughts or ideas with me via email/facebook/twitter! I’d love to hear from you! Also, if you have a topic or question you would like me to address, please just let me know!

Until next time,

Love and Respect,

Paula

About Me

My name is Paula Coogan and I am the owner of The Aspirations Coach, a Life and Career coaching business I set up in May 2011. My work is dedicated to supporting individuals in their 20’s and 30’s who have aspirations in any area of life. I firmly believe that we are all capable of so much more than what we currently think we are.

I am passionate about what I do and get such satisfaction from seeing my clients’ progress and reach their aspirations. I work with clients on a one-to-one basis for a minimum of 3 months, for more information please visit www.TheAspirationsCoach.com

Email: info@theaspirationscoach.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheAspirationsCoach

Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/paulacoogan

Progress is a free fortnightly ezine designed to support individuals in their 20’s and 30’s who wish to progress in all areas of life. You'll get free tips to help you push forward and create your ultimate life today.

Thursday 15 March 2012

Ships are safe in harbour........

Progress: Courage

Ships are safe in harbour but that’s not what ships were built for- Anon

This week I’ve been thinking a lot about courage so that’s what I decided to devote this ezine to. It summons up images of the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz and fireman bursting into burning buildings to save someone. The word courage isn’t used very often in day to day life; it’s more associated with these brave acts of heroism. Our thoughts would have gone along the lines of ‘I’ve never risked my life to save someone so therefore I’m not courageous.

Often we have a very black and white view of what it means to be courageous and by looking at it through that lens, it means that you won’t ever see yourself as being courageous. But....guess what...

Courage actually means ‘the ability to do difficult or scary things in spite of fear’. If we adopted this way of looking at courage, we would allow ourselves to acknowledge our own courageous behaviour.

I was working with a client recently who needed to really go for something but she was scared. She was adamant that she was neither brave nor courageous so I asked her ‘What scary or difficult things have you done in spite of your fear?’ Well, the floodgates opened and the list went on and on! Everything from a rollercoaster to ending a long relationship.

By looking at courage this way, it’s much easier to see examples of when you have been courageous and then much easier to give yourself the kudos for it! A question I would like you to answer is: ‘What difficult or scary things have I done in spite of fear?’ Grab a pen and paper and write them down! (Seriously, STOP right now and just take a few minutes or at least think about it for a few minutes- it’s a great gift to actually give yourself the credit for it!) Discover how courageous you really are! I bet you’ll be surprised!

Courage can be viewed as a muscle; you need to use it regularly so that it is more toned and supple so I’ve put together 5 tips for building on your already amazing courage muscles!

1 1. Be a Beginner

So many of us have things that we want to do, new things that we want to try but we never get around to it because we’re afraid to be a beginner. We’re afraid to put ourselves in an environment where we know nothing! It takes guts to try something new so just go for it. Whether it’s a new career path, painting, singing, driving, flying, acting, pole dancing- whatever! Be a beginner!

2. Go somewhere you’ve never been before

I know that comfort and familiarity are great but the same thing all the time can get a bit boring! A few years ago, I was mortified when I rang for a take away, just gave my address and the guy at the other end of the phone recited my order exactly. Definitely time for a change! I bet you that for a meal out, you tend to go to the same few places. I bet that there’s at least one movie that you can recite word for word. For a holiday or day out, you’ve gone back to the same place. Why? Because you’re certain that you’ll like it! Do something different next time, try something new. Be bold and brave and take a risk!

3. Say what you really think

This is a big one! How many times a day do you bite your tongue and say nothing? Whose company do you tend to be in when you hold yourself back? What would happen if you actually said what was on your mind and in your heart? I don’t just mean telling your boss that you disagree with current practices (or that he’s an idiot! The best time to do this is when you have another job secured!), I mean also telling someone that you care about how important they are to you. That often would take more courage than anything else because it can make us feel vulnerable to acknowledge how deeply we are attached to other people.

4. Speak to someone you don’t know

For many of us, there are people outside our circles who could be extremely beneficial to our dreams, progress and aspirations. If there is a particular career path you are interested in, find someone who currently works in it and speak to them. The wonderful thing about life is that there are surprises around every corner! That person in front of you in the queue could be the love of your life, that stranger sitting across from you in the train could be your next business client. Often we hold back, keep our eyes down and arms folded when we’re around people we don’t know. Next time, strike up a conversation and see what happens!

5. Stand up for someone else

If you see someone being treated unfairly or unfavourably, what do you do? Say nothing or stand up for them? When I was working as a consultant, I was always surprised at the bitchy gossip that went on in offices. The crazy thing was that most people who participated in it felt uncomfortable about it! But no one would stand up for the individual being talked about in case they were targeted instead! Can you relate? Do you really care what bitchy gossipers think about you? Next time, be courageous and stand up for someone else.

Until next time,

Love and Respect,

Paula

About Me

E-mail: info@theaspirationscoach.com

www.TheAspirationsCoach.com

Top 5 tips for a healthy relationship

PROGRESS:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away - Maya Angelo

Progress: Love

As Valentine's Day is just around the corner, I'm sure it's no surprise that this issue of my ezine is devoted to the big L word- Love. I've been referred to as the 'Relationship Queen' by some of my friends but please bear in mind that this title wasn't given to me because my relationships were perfect, rather because I was always in one! But a few years ago, I found myself single after a 6 year relationship ended via text message! Talk about ouch!! It was never going to work but it was only afterwards that I realised why. I want to share with you the lessons I have learnt and taken with me from that experience.

TOP 5 TIPS FOR A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

1. Love Yourself

I don't mean a vain, conceited self love rather a strong, healthy appreciation of who you are as an individual and what you bring to the relationship. By acknowledging your own worth, you are setting the standard for how you want your partner to treat you so ensure that you set it at the level that you truly deserve.

2. Know Your Partner's values

This is so important and is the root of most conflict in relationships. You must find out what is most important to you and to your partner. Your values shape your decisions and therefore the direction of your life. If there is a conflict in the values of two individuals, there will be a conflict in the relationship as you will be pulled in different directions. For example, if one individual valued adventure and freedom and his/her partner valued security and family- can you see how there could be conflict in the relationship?

3. Communicate

Talk to each other. Don't let issues fester and build up. If something is bothering you, ensure that you talk to your partner about it. If you can't talk openly about your needs and your feelings, then I would encourage you to ask yourself why not and perhaps look over tip number one.

4. Respect

If there is mutual respect, your relationship will be so much smoother. It is just so essential for a healthy relationship. An interesting thing however, is that people have different 'rules' about what respect means. For example, I may believe that you show the other person respect by being open and honest about your feelings, even if what you say be hurtful while my partner could believe that you show respect by never saying a bad word, raising your voice or by leaving the room if things got heated. If an argument occurred and I behaved my way and he behaved his way, we would both feel completely disrespected even though the intention on both sides was to be respectful! We are complex creatures which is why it is so important to understand tips two and three.

5. Enjoy time apart

Finally, enjoy time apart. Don't loose sight of who you are as an individual and morph into a 'we'! It tends to happen quite easily so keep an eye out! Nurture your relationships with your own friends and pursue your own interests. Your relationship needs to breathe and so do you!

About Me

E-mail: info@theaspirationscoach.com

www.TheAspirationsCoach.com

If things go wrong, don't go with them

If things go wrong, don't go with them. ~Roger Babson

It happens all the time, we’re floating around on a cloud of contentment, having a lovely day and suddenly, we’ve got worked up over something and we’re in a mess. Your world begins to spiral downwards rapidly and you know that tears aren’t too far away! It could be anything- you can’t find your shoes or even worse - shoe, the bus never arrives, you forgot to turn the water on, the car won’t start, the milk is sour, the plans are changed last minute- whatever!

I was so relieved to hear one of my mentors, who I would consider to be so calm and centred, describe how she had totally lost it last week. Her laptop broke and she was on the phone, back and forth between the manufacturer and the supplier, both trying to pass it off to the other. She laughed describing how she was almost wailing down the phone, pleading for someone to just accept responsibility but to no avail. With tears streaming down her face, she grabbed the dog and headed out for a walk. (She lives in the countryside so no one would see her!) She walked to the top of the hill and then screamed, scaring the dog and a few sheep in the process! Unsurprisingly, she felt much better after! She had a hot shower, headed to PC world and was grateful that she could afford to treat herself to a brand new shiny laptop!

It happens all the time, doesn’t it? When it feels that you’re just going to burst if you don’t release the frustration or anger you are experiencing. Ideally, you want to catch yourself before you enter into the downward spiral but this is easier said than done. It takes a lot of practice but I guarantee you that if you get the hang of it, you’re life will flow a lot smoother. Don’t sweat the small stuff as they say!

So this week, I want to share with you 3 tips that I have found useful in times of impending spiralling!

1. Take a deep breath and count to ten

Despite the age and simplicity of this advice, it does work! As soon as you feel yourself starting to spiral– take a deep breath and count to ten. Not only do these few seconds allow your stress to decrease, but it gives you an opportunity to think before you react. In addition, deep breathing stimulates oxygen circulation, which can increase energy and reduce anxiety. If you can go outdoors and do this, even better!

2. 2. Get moving!

Listening to music is a great way to change your mood. What's your favourite song? Play it loud and sing along. You'll be surprised how good it makes you feel. Also, start dancing. Good music has a magical quality that makes us live in the moment. When we are feeling stressed and tense, we hold our bodies in a stiff, constricted way which adds to the tension. When we shake it off and move our bodies, we can change our emotional states. It works, I promise!

3. 3. Acknowledge the emotion

Our emotions are amazing gifts because they convey messages to us about what’s going on in our world. But if you ignore the message, it can magnify and become overwhelming.

If you find yourself feeling frustrated with a project you’re working on- you have two choices. You can either acknowledge the frustration (message) and recognise that you’re feeling it because your brain knows you can do better- which is a positive thing OR you can try to ignore it, spiral downwards and tell yourself things like ‘I can’t’, ‘I’m not able’, ‘I’m not good enough’ etc etc

There are so many strategies that you can use and you’ll find something that works for you! Remember that it takes practice to regain control and catch yourself before things go pear-shaped so persevere – it’s worth it.

About Me

E-mail: info@theaspirationscoach.com

www.TheAspirationsCoach.com