If things go wrong, don't go with them

If things go wrong, don't go with them.  ~Roger Babson

It happens all the time, we’re floating around on a cloud of contentment, having a lovely day and suddenly, we’ve got worked up over something and we’re in a mess. Your world begins to spiral downwards rapidly and you know that tears aren’t too far away! It could be anything- you can’t find your shoes or even worse - shoe, the bus never arrives, you forgot to turn the water on, the car won’t start, the milk is sour, the plans are changed last minute- whatever!

I was so relieved to hear one of my mentors, who I would consider to be so calm and centred, describe how she had totally lost it last week. Her laptop broke and she was on the phone,  back and forth between the manufacturer and the supplier, both trying to pass it off to the other. She laughed describing how she was almost wailing down the phone, pleading for someone to just accept responsibility but to no avail. With tears streaming down her face, she grabbed the dog and headed out for a walk. (She lives in the countryside so no one would see her!) She walked to the top of the hill and then screamed, scaring the dog and a few sheep in the process! Unsurprisingly, she felt much better after! She had a hot shower, headed to PC world and was grateful that she could afford to treat herself to a brand new shiny laptop!

It happens all the time, doesn’t it? When it feels that you’re just going to burst if you don’t release the frustration or anger you are experiencing. Ideally, you want to catch yourself before you enter into the downward spiral but this is easier said than done. It takes a lot of practice but I guarantee you that if you get the hang of it, you’re life will flow a lot smoother. Don’t sweat the small stuff as they say!

So this week, I want to share with you 3 tips that I have found useful in times of impending spiralling!

       1. Take a deep breath and count to ten

Despite the age and simplicity of this advice, it does work! As soon as you feel yourself starting to spiral– take a deep breath and count to ten. Not only do these few seconds allow your stress to decrease, but it gives you an opportunity to think before you react. In addition, deep breathing stimulates oxygen circulation, which can increase energy and reduce anxiety.  If you can go outdoors and do this, even better!

2.       2. Get moving!

 Listening to music is a great way to change your mood. What's your favourite song? Play it loud and sing along. You'll be surprised how good it makes you feel. Also, start dancing. Good music has a magical quality that makes us live in the moment. When we are feeling stressed and tense, we hold our bodies in a stiff, constricted way which adds to the tension. When we shake it off and move our bodies, we can change our emotional states. It works, I promise!

3.     3. Acknowledge the emotion

Our emotions are amazing gifts because they convey messages to us about what’s going on in our world. But if you ignore the message, it can magnify and become overwhelming.

If you find yourself feeling frustrated with a project you’re working on- you have two choices. You can either acknowledge the frustration (message) and recognise that you’re feeling it because your brain knows you can do better- which is a positive thing OR  you can try to ignore it, spiral downwards and tell yourself things like ‘I can’t’, ‘I’m not able’, ‘I’m not good enough’ etc etc

There are so many strategies that you can use and you’ll find something that works for you! Remember that it takes practice to regain control and catch yourself before things go pear-shaped so persevere – it’s worth it.

About Me

My name is Paula Coogan and I am the owner of The Aspirations Coach, a Life and Career coaching business I set up in May 2011. My work is dedicated to supporting individuals in their 20’s and 30’s who have aspirations in any area of life. I firmly believe that we are all capable of so much more than what we currently think we are. 

I am passionate about what I do and get such satisfaction from seeing my clients’ progress and reach their aspirations. I work with clients on a one-to-one basis for a minimum of 3 months, for more information please visit www.TheAspirationsCoach.com

              

E-mail: info@theaspirationscoach.com

www.TheAspirationsCoach.com

Progress is a free fortnightly ezine designed to support individuals in their 20’s and 30’s who wish to progress in all areas of life. You'll get free tips to help you push forward and create your ultimate life today.

Have You Lost Your Muchness?

Have you lost your Muchness?

I watched Alice in Wonderland with Johnny Depp during the week. I’d seen it once before, but this time around one particular scene really caught my attention.

 The Mad Hatter is talking to Alice and telling her that the last time she visited Wonderland, she was "much muchier" and now she seemed to have lost her "muchness." I was intrigued. Muchness is defined as "greatness in quantity or degree." What the Mad Hatter was saying in his own way was that Alice had lost some of who she used to be. Basically that she had forgotten who she truly was as she had grown up. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t picked up on that before.

How many of you feel that we have lost some part of ourselves as we've grown up? How many of you, as kids, were kinda afraid to grow up because you believed you would become less of yourself? I was afraid that I would become a boring, careful person who followed the rules and thought it odd to walk barefoot in the grass. But guess what? I did just that but what I realise now is that I’ve been reclaiming my ‘muchness’ for a while now! What about you?

When I think back to my childhood, I can see myself as exactly the same person yet at the same time, completely different. I feel quite lucky in the fact that I’ve always managed to keep some of my muchness, that childlike excitement, wonder and awe. However the bold fearlessness, perhaps muchiness is something which I feel I’ve lost a lot of. I was skiing earlier this year and I had been really looking forward to it. I had been once before when I was younger and then, on the first day, I had skied down the mountain with my older (but still very young) cousin. It was exhilarating and wild. Back to present day, 26 years old, on a mountain with a pair of skies- a snail would have gone faster than me. I was terrified and I was really surprised. I suppose as I grew up, I had just become a lot more conscious of the fact that my body is perishable and can break. I was really disappointed that I held myself back so much whilst skiing this year and it’s only now I realise it’s because I had lost my muchness. (Possibly why I threw myself out of a plane later in the year!)

I don't know about you, but I really don’t want to lose my muchness. I feel like it’s a huge part of me and that I have already lost enough of it. I find it scary that we lose a huge part of who we are, simply by growing older. I understand that we are going to grow up and there’s nothing that we can do about the passing of time however just because we grow older it doesn’t mean that we have to lose sight of who we used to be. Many of my clients often find their true passions and strengths when they remember who they truly are.  

So, today I invite you to embrace and reclaim your muchness! Take some time to figure out what your muchness is and whether you’ve lost the essence of who you are as you grew up. When you get down the essence of who you were -- the heart of what you thought you would be -- what do you come up with? What of that essence have you lost? Contemplate the following questions and I’d love to hear your stories..

6 Questions To Reclaim Your Muchness

1. What did I enjoy doing when I was a kid?  When you think about what you enjoyed doing you may be surprised that you still like to do those things. Often the things we enjoy as kids are things we enjoy our whole lives (A recent client of mine is making a career change from pharmaceuticals to fashion- she had been styling her dolls/ friends and making outfits since she was a child but was told it wasn’t a safe career. She is definitely reclaiming her muchness!!). Give this some thought and you'll uncover a lot about the essence of who you are. What you liked to do then says a lot about the kind of person you were. (Not sure what to say to the people who used to burn insects under a magnifying glass!)
2. Did I stop doing those things and why? Some people continue to do the things they loved to do as kids however most of us have stopped. Think about what you did as a kid and ask yourself why you still do it or why you have stopped?
3. Who did I think I would be when I grew up?  Allow yourself to be completely honest here because when you think about who you thought you would be, you'll learn about the things that were important to you as a kid. I know that some things may be a bit far-fetched, for example a Super Hero but... think about why you wanted to be that person? What did you think that would give you? Respect, Strength, Fitness. If you wanted to be a pilot, it could have been that you wanted to travel and see the world.
4. How am I like my childhood ideal?  Take some time to consider how you might actually be like your childhood ideal. You might not be exactly what you thought you would be, but you may be closer than you think. For example, I always wanted to be a published author which at the moment I’m not, but I do spend a lot of my time writing!
5. What attitudes and beliefs did I hold as a kid?  This is probably the most important question. Though it's essential to examine what you liked to do and who you thought you would be, the most important thing to consider is what your beliefs were as a child. What was important to you? In Alice in Wonderland, the Mad Hatter believes Alice has lost some of her courage because she grew up. Consider how you may have acted as a child and then consider...
6. How have my attitudes and beliefs changed?  As we get older, it's no surprise that some of the things we hold as important change. But think about how your beliefs may have changed since you were a kid. What attitudes did you have then that you may not have now? If you witnessed an injustice, as a child would you have spoken up? Would you now?

The majority of individuals I work with are twenty-somethings and I believe a big reason why so many of us struggle in our twenties is because we have lost our muchness and it is incredibly frustrating. We can see what we want to do, be or have but we don’t the muchness to go after it. There’s something missing and we make the mistake of believing that it is something external. But it is not, the ‘emptiness’ or ‘the something missing’ is there inside, it simply needs to be reclaimed. 

I hope you join me in this campaign to reclaim our muchness!!

Your Aspirations Coach,

Paula

www.TheAspirationsCoach.com

info@theaspirationscoach.com