Have You Lost Your Muchness?

Have you lost your Muchness?

I watched Alice in Wonderland with Johnny Depp during the week. I’d seen it once before, but this time around one particular scene really caught my attention.

 The Mad Hatter is talking to Alice and telling her that the last time she visited Wonderland, she was "much muchier" and now she seemed to have lost her "muchness." I was intrigued. Muchness is defined as "greatness in quantity or degree." What the Mad Hatter was saying in his own way was that Alice had lost some of who she used to be. Basically that she had forgotten who she truly was as she had grown up. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t picked up on that before.

How many of you feel that we have lost some part of ourselves as we've grown up? How many of you, as kids, were kinda afraid to grow up because you believed you would become less of yourself? I was afraid that I would become a boring, careful person who followed the rules and thought it odd to walk barefoot in the grass. But guess what? I did just that but what I realise now is that I’ve been reclaiming my ‘muchness’ for a while now! What about you?

When I think back to my childhood, I can see myself as exactly the same person yet at the same time, completely different. I feel quite lucky in the fact that I’ve always managed to keep some of my muchness, that childlike excitement, wonder and awe. However the bold fearlessness, perhaps muchiness is something which I feel I’ve lost a lot of. I was skiing earlier this year and I had been really looking forward to it. I had been once before when I was younger and then, on the first day, I had skied down the mountain with my older (but still very young) cousin. It was exhilarating and wild. Back to present day, 26 years old, on a mountain with a pair of skies- a snail would have gone faster than me. I was terrified and I was really surprised. I suppose as I grew up, I had just become a lot more conscious of the fact that my body is perishable and can break. I was really disappointed that I held myself back so much whilst skiing this year and it’s only now I realise it’s because I had lost my muchness. (Possibly why I threw myself out of a plane later in the year!)

I don't know about you, but I really don’t want to lose my muchness. I feel like it’s a huge part of me and that I have already lost enough of it. I find it scary that we lose a huge part of who we are, simply by growing older. I understand that we are going to grow up and there’s nothing that we can do about the passing of time however just because we grow older it doesn’t mean that we have to lose sight of who we used to be. Many of my clients often find their true passions and strengths when they remember who they truly are.  

So, today I invite you to embrace and reclaim your muchness! Take some time to figure out what your muchness is and whether you’ve lost the essence of who you are as you grew up. When you get down the essence of who you were -- the heart of what you thought you would be -- what do you come up with? What of that essence have you lost? Contemplate the following questions and I’d love to hear your stories..

6 Questions To Reclaim Your Muchness

1. What did I enjoy doing when I was a kid?  When you think about what you enjoyed doing you may be surprised that you still like to do those things. Often the things we enjoy as kids are things we enjoy our whole lives (A recent client of mine is making a career change from pharmaceuticals to fashion- she had been styling her dolls/ friends and making outfits since she was a child but was told it wasn’t a safe career. She is definitely reclaiming her muchness!!). Give this some thought and you'll uncover a lot about the essence of who you are. What you liked to do then says a lot about the kind of person you were. (Not sure what to say to the people who used to burn insects under a magnifying glass!)
2. Did I stop doing those things and why? Some people continue to do the things they loved to do as kids however most of us have stopped. Think about what you did as a kid and ask yourself why you still do it or why you have stopped?
3. Who did I think I would be when I grew up?  Allow yourself to be completely honest here because when you think about who you thought you would be, you'll learn about the things that were important to you as a kid. I know that some things may be a bit far-fetched, for example a Super Hero but... think about why you wanted to be that person? What did you think that would give you? Respect, Strength, Fitness. If you wanted to be a pilot, it could have been that you wanted to travel and see the world.
4. How am I like my childhood ideal?  Take some time to consider how you might actually be like your childhood ideal. You might not be exactly what you thought you would be, but you may be closer than you think. For example, I always wanted to be a published author which at the moment I’m not, but I do spend a lot of my time writing!
5. What attitudes and beliefs did I hold as a kid?  This is probably the most important question. Though it's essential to examine what you liked to do and who you thought you would be, the most important thing to consider is what your beliefs were as a child. What was important to you? In Alice in Wonderland, the Mad Hatter believes Alice has lost some of her courage because she grew up. Consider how you may have acted as a child and then consider...
6. How have my attitudes and beliefs changed?  As we get older, it's no surprise that some of the things we hold as important change. But think about how your beliefs may have changed since you were a kid. What attitudes did you have then that you may not have now? If you witnessed an injustice, as a child would you have spoken up? Would you now?

The majority of individuals I work with are twenty-somethings and I believe a big reason why so many of us struggle in our twenties is because we have lost our muchness and it is incredibly frustrating. We can see what we want to do, be or have but we don’t the muchness to go after it. There’s something missing and we make the mistake of believing that it is something external. But it is not, the ‘emptiness’ or ‘the something missing’ is there inside, it simply needs to be reclaimed. 

I hope you join me in this campaign to reclaim our muchness!!

Your Aspirations Coach,

Paula

www.TheAspirationsCoach.com

info@theaspirationscoach.com

Take 100% Responsibility For Your Life

  

One of the greatest lies which we twenty-somethings have been conditioned with is that we are entitled to a great life. We’re entitled to a good job, nice house, fabulous body, perfect partner and great salary. Why? Well because we exist and we’ve been expecting it. But the cold hard truth is- we’re responsible for making it happen! There’s only one person responsible for the quality and calibre of life that you live and that person is you. You must take 100% responsibility for your own life.  

This is the one principle which I know to be powerful and true, yet also the one I have struggled with the most. To be perfectly honest, I still struggle with it. Conditioning is a powerful thing, but so is awareness and persistence. The fact is that we have been conditioned to blame other people, things, events and circumstances on the fact that our lives aren’t working the way we had expected. We blame the traffic lights, our parents, our teachers, our friends, our co-workers, our dogs, our partners, the weather- anyone or anything we can pin the blame on. We rarely look to where the real issue lies- with ourselves.  

Taking 100% responsibility means that you acknowledge and accept that you create everything that comes about in your life. It means that you understand that you are the cause of all of your experiences. If you really want to make your life work, and I mean really want to, then you have to stop playing the blame and complain game and take full responsibility for all of the results you are getting- that includes your setbacks and successes. 

The reason why this principle is so important is because if you accept that you have created what you have, it means that you also acknowledge that you also have the power to change it. If things ‘happen’ to you all the time, you are handing away your power to do something about it.   You must take the position that you have always had the power to do something different, to produce the results you wanted or to make a different decision. But for whatever reason, be it fear of being hurt, fear of losing out, wanting to take the easy path or even not wanting to stand out, you chose not to exercise that power. Why? It doesn’t matter why, the past is behind you and all that is important now is that you acknowledge that it’s your responsibility. If something doesn’t turn out the way you had wanted, ask yourself ‘How did I create that?’. ‘What was my role in bringing that into being?’ 

If we’re in an unhappy relationship, we blame our partners. It is their fault it’s not working and we can see that it would and could be so much better if they simply changed. We’re still saying that 6 years later and still blaming them. We don’t even entertain the notion that we’re responsible but the truth is that we are, we are choosing to stay, we are choosing to put up with the behaviour, we’re choosing to blame them rather than make the changes ourselves. Why? Because we’re afraid to be alone, because we’ve invested a lot in the relationship, because we love them and even the thought of leaving hurts. I’ve totally been there. The only thing you can change is yourself. 

If we’re overweight, we blame chocolate (‘those lindt lindor sweets are just too nice!’- familiar?), we blame time, we blame our upbringing, we blame our genes, we blame our jeans! But bottom line, you are the one who put that food in your mouth. You are the one who sat on the couch all evening watching tv. If you continually blame things that are seemingly outside of your control, then you will never have the power to change things. You know you need to eat less and move more but you choose not to.   

You will never get where you want to be if you continually blame someone else or something for your lack of progress. If you want to stand out from the crowd you need to acknowledge that is all down to you. It was your thoughts, your words, your actions (or lack of), your decisions that brought you to where you are now. Nobody else- just you. 

So why don’t you change? 

Most people do not like the thought of change. That is because change involves risks. You run the risk of being unemployed, left alone,or ridiculed and judged by others. Making a change might take effort, money and time, it might be uncomfortable, difficult or confusing. So to avoid risking any of the uncomfortable feelings and experiences, you stay put and complain about it. You need to make the decision to stop complaining, to stop spending time with complainers and get on with creating the life of your dreams. 

The Bottom Line

You are the one who is creating your life the way it is as a result of your thoughts and actions. You are in charge of how you think, how you feel, what you say and what you do. You are also in charge of what you are exposed to with regards the books you read, the people you choose to spend time with, the films you watch and what you see in your world. Every action is under your control. 

Exercise: 

Step 1: Grab a pen and paper.  

Step 2: Write the heading ‘If I took 100% responsibility for my life and stopped playing the blame and complain game, how would my life look?’ Think about it for a while.  Would you still associate with the same people, would you put more effort into my work, would your lifestyle improve, would you cook healthier meals, would you say no more often, would you still be in your current job?

Step 3: Commit right now to begin to take responsibility for your own life. By doing this, your whole outlook on life will change.  It won’t happen overnight, but by taking a little step each day you can claim back the power you have given away and create the life you truly aspire to. 

Step 4: Acknowledge that it will take time and discipline but it will be worth it. Be prepared to raise your awareness to what you are doing and the results you are producing. The results never lie so use them as your personal compass.   

You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons or the wind, but you can change yourself- Jim Rohn  

Your Aspirations Coach, 
Paula

www.TheAspirationsCoach.com
info@theaspirationscoach.com