One of the greatest lies which we twenty-somethings have been conditioned with is that we are entitled to a great life. We’re entitled to a good job, nice house, fabulous body, perfect partner and great salary. Why? Well because we exist and we’ve been expecting it. But the cold hard truth is- we’re responsible for making it happen! There’s only one person responsible for the quality and calibre of life that you live and that person is you. You must take 100% responsibility for your own life.
This is the one principle which I know to be powerful and true, yet also the one I have struggled with the most. To be perfectly honest, I still struggle with it. Conditioning is a powerful thing, but so is awareness and persistence. The fact is that we have been conditioned to blame other people, things, events and circumstances on the fact that our lives aren’t working the way we had expected. We blame the traffic lights, our parents, our teachers, our friends, our co-workers, our dogs, our partners, the weather- anyone or anything we can pin the blame on. We rarely look to where the real issue lies- with ourselves.
Taking 100% responsibility means that you acknowledge and accept that you create everything that comes about in your life. It means that you understand that you are the cause of all of your experiences. If you really want to make your life work, and I mean really want to, then you have to stop playing the blame and complain game and take full responsibility for all of the results you are getting- that includes your setbacks and successes.
The reason why this principle is so important is because if you accept that you have created what you have, it means that you also acknowledge that you also have the power to change it. If things ‘happen’ to you all the time, you are handing away your power to do something about it. You must take the position that you have always had the power to do something different, to produce the results you wanted or to make a different decision. But for whatever reason, be it fear of being hurt, fear of losing out, wanting to take the easy path or even not wanting to stand out, you chose not to exercise that power. Why? It doesn’t matter why, the past is behind you and all that is important now is that you acknowledge that it’s your responsibility. If something doesn’t turn out the way you had wanted, ask yourself ‘How did I create that?’. ‘What was my role in bringing that into being?’
If we’re in an unhappy relationship, we blame our partners. It is their fault it’s not working and we can see that it would and could be so much better if they simply changed. We’re still saying that 6 years later and still blaming them. We don’t even entertain the notion that we’re responsible but the truth is that we are, we are choosing to stay, we are choosing to put up with the behaviour, we’re choosing to blame them rather than make the changes ourselves. Why? Because we’re afraid to be alone, because we’ve invested a lot in the relationship, because we love them and even the thought of leaving hurts. I’ve totally been there. The only thing you can change is yourself.
If we’re overweight, we blame chocolate (‘those lindt lindor sweets are just too nice!’- familiar?), we blame time, we blame our upbringing, we blame our genes, we blame our jeans! But bottom line, you are the one who put that food in your mouth. You are the one who sat on the couch all evening watching tv. If you continually blame things that are seemingly outside of your control, then you will never have the power to change things. You know you need to eat less and move more but you choose not to.
You will never get where you want to be if you continually blame someone else or something for your lack of progress. If you want to stand out from the crowd you need to acknowledge that is all down to you. It was your thoughts, your words, your actions (or lack of), your decisions that brought you to where you are now. Nobody else- just you.
So why don’t you change?
Most people do not like the thought of change. That is because change involves risks. You run the risk of being unemployed, left alone,or ridiculed and judged by others. Making a change might take effort, money and time, it might be uncomfortable, difficult or confusing. So to avoid risking any of the uncomfortable feelings and experiences, you stay put and complain about it. You need to make the decision to stop complaining, to stop spending time with complainers and get on with creating the life of your dreams.
The Bottom Line
You are the one who is creating your life the way it is as a result of your thoughts and actions. You are in charge of how you think, how you feel, what you say and what you do. You are also in charge of what you are exposed to with regards the books you read, the people you choose to spend time with, the films you watch and what you see in your world. Every action is under your control.
Exercise:
Step 1: Grab a pen and paper.
Step 2: Write the heading ‘If I took 100% responsibility for my life and stopped playing the blame and complain game, how would my life look?’ Think about it for a while. Would you still associate with the same people, would you put more effort into my work, would your lifestyle improve, would you cook healthier meals, would you say no more often, would you still be in your current job?
Step 3: Commit right now to begin to take responsibility for your own life. By doing this, your whole outlook on life will change. It won’t happen overnight, but by taking a little step each day you can claim back the power you have given away and create the life you truly aspire to.
Step 4: Acknowledge that it will take time and discipline but it will be worth it. Be prepared to raise your awareness to what you are doing and the results you are producing. The results never lie so use them as your personal compass.
Paula
www.TheAspirationsCoach.com
info@theaspirationscoach.com
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