Have You Lost Your Muchness?

Have you lost your Muchness?

I watched Alice in Wonderland with Johnny Depp during the week. I’d seen it once before, but this time around one particular scene really caught my attention.

 The Mad Hatter is talking to Alice and telling her that the last time she visited Wonderland, she was "much muchier" and now she seemed to have lost her "muchness." I was intrigued. Muchness is defined as "greatness in quantity or degree." What the Mad Hatter was saying in his own way was that Alice had lost some of who she used to be. Basically that she had forgotten who she truly was as she had grown up. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t picked up on that before.

How many of you feel that we have lost some part of ourselves as we've grown up? How many of you, as kids, were kinda afraid to grow up because you believed you would become less of yourself? I was afraid that I would become a boring, careful person who followed the rules and thought it odd to walk barefoot in the grass. But guess what? I did just that but what I realise now is that I’ve been reclaiming my ‘muchness’ for a while now! What about you?

When I think back to my childhood, I can see myself as exactly the same person yet at the same time, completely different. I feel quite lucky in the fact that I’ve always managed to keep some of my muchness, that childlike excitement, wonder and awe. However the bold fearlessness, perhaps muchiness is something which I feel I’ve lost a lot of. I was skiing earlier this year and I had been really looking forward to it. I had been once before when I was younger and then, on the first day, I had skied down the mountain with my older (but still very young) cousin. It was exhilarating and wild. Back to present day, 26 years old, on a mountain with a pair of skies- a snail would have gone faster than me. I was terrified and I was really surprised. I suppose as I grew up, I had just become a lot more conscious of the fact that my body is perishable and can break. I was really disappointed that I held myself back so much whilst skiing this year and it’s only now I realise it’s because I had lost my muchness. (Possibly why I threw myself out of a plane later in the year!)

I don't know about you, but I really don’t want to lose my muchness. I feel like it’s a huge part of me and that I have already lost enough of it. I find it scary that we lose a huge part of who we are, simply by growing older. I understand that we are going to grow up and there’s nothing that we can do about the passing of time however just because we grow older it doesn’t mean that we have to lose sight of who we used to be. Many of my clients often find their true passions and strengths when they remember who they truly are.  

So, today I invite you to embrace and reclaim your muchness! Take some time to figure out what your muchness is and whether you’ve lost the essence of who you are as you grew up. When you get down the essence of who you were -- the heart of what you thought you would be -- what do you come up with? What of that essence have you lost? Contemplate the following questions and I’d love to hear your stories..

6 Questions To Reclaim Your Muchness

1. What did I enjoy doing when I was a kid?  When you think about what you enjoyed doing you may be surprised that you still like to do those things. Often the things we enjoy as kids are things we enjoy our whole lives (A recent client of mine is making a career change from pharmaceuticals to fashion- she had been styling her dolls/ friends and making outfits since she was a child but was told it wasn’t a safe career. She is definitely reclaiming her muchness!!). Give this some thought and you'll uncover a lot about the essence of who you are. What you liked to do then says a lot about the kind of person you were. (Not sure what to say to the people who used to burn insects under a magnifying glass!)
2. Did I stop doing those things and why? Some people continue to do the things they loved to do as kids however most of us have stopped. Think about what you did as a kid and ask yourself why you still do it or why you have stopped?
3. Who did I think I would be when I grew up?  Allow yourself to be completely honest here because when you think about who you thought you would be, you'll learn about the things that were important to you as a kid. I know that some things may be a bit far-fetched, for example a Super Hero but... think about why you wanted to be that person? What did you think that would give you? Respect, Strength, Fitness. If you wanted to be a pilot, it could have been that you wanted to travel and see the world.
4. How am I like my childhood ideal?  Take some time to consider how you might actually be like your childhood ideal. You might not be exactly what you thought you would be, but you may be closer than you think. For example, I always wanted to be a published author which at the moment I’m not, but I do spend a lot of my time writing!
5. What attitudes and beliefs did I hold as a kid?  This is probably the most important question. Though it's essential to examine what you liked to do and who you thought you would be, the most important thing to consider is what your beliefs were as a child. What was important to you? In Alice in Wonderland, the Mad Hatter believes Alice has lost some of her courage because she grew up. Consider how you may have acted as a child and then consider...
6. How have my attitudes and beliefs changed?  As we get older, it's no surprise that some of the things we hold as important change. But think about how your beliefs may have changed since you were a kid. What attitudes did you have then that you may not have now? If you witnessed an injustice, as a child would you have spoken up? Would you now?

The majority of individuals I work with are twenty-somethings and I believe a big reason why so many of us struggle in our twenties is because we have lost our muchness and it is incredibly frustrating. We can see what we want to do, be or have but we don’t the muchness to go after it. There’s something missing and we make the mistake of believing that it is something external. But it is not, the ‘emptiness’ or ‘the something missing’ is there inside, it simply needs to be reclaimed. 

I hope you join me in this campaign to reclaim our muchness!!

Your Aspirations Coach,

Paula

www.TheAspirationsCoach.com

info@theaspirationscoach.com

Take 100% Responsibility For Your Life

  

One of the greatest lies which we twenty-somethings have been conditioned with is that we are entitled to a great life. We’re entitled to a good job, nice house, fabulous body, perfect partner and great salary. Why? Well because we exist and we’ve been expecting it. But the cold hard truth is- we’re responsible for making it happen! There’s only one person responsible for the quality and calibre of life that you live and that person is you. You must take 100% responsibility for your own life.  

This is the one principle which I know to be powerful and true, yet also the one I have struggled with the most. To be perfectly honest, I still struggle with it. Conditioning is a powerful thing, but so is awareness and persistence. The fact is that we have been conditioned to blame other people, things, events and circumstances on the fact that our lives aren’t working the way we had expected. We blame the traffic lights, our parents, our teachers, our friends, our co-workers, our dogs, our partners, the weather- anyone or anything we can pin the blame on. We rarely look to where the real issue lies- with ourselves.  

Taking 100% responsibility means that you acknowledge and accept that you create everything that comes about in your life. It means that you understand that you are the cause of all of your experiences. If you really want to make your life work, and I mean really want to, then you have to stop playing the blame and complain game and take full responsibility for all of the results you are getting- that includes your setbacks and successes. 

The reason why this principle is so important is because if you accept that you have created what you have, it means that you also acknowledge that you also have the power to change it. If things ‘happen’ to you all the time, you are handing away your power to do something about it.   You must take the position that you have always had the power to do something different, to produce the results you wanted or to make a different decision. But for whatever reason, be it fear of being hurt, fear of losing out, wanting to take the easy path or even not wanting to stand out, you chose not to exercise that power. Why? It doesn’t matter why, the past is behind you and all that is important now is that you acknowledge that it’s your responsibility. If something doesn’t turn out the way you had wanted, ask yourself ‘How did I create that?’. ‘What was my role in bringing that into being?’ 

If we’re in an unhappy relationship, we blame our partners. It is their fault it’s not working and we can see that it would and could be so much better if they simply changed. We’re still saying that 6 years later and still blaming them. We don’t even entertain the notion that we’re responsible but the truth is that we are, we are choosing to stay, we are choosing to put up with the behaviour, we’re choosing to blame them rather than make the changes ourselves. Why? Because we’re afraid to be alone, because we’ve invested a lot in the relationship, because we love them and even the thought of leaving hurts. I’ve totally been there. The only thing you can change is yourself. 

If we’re overweight, we blame chocolate (‘those lindt lindor sweets are just too nice!’- familiar?), we blame time, we blame our upbringing, we blame our genes, we blame our jeans! But bottom line, you are the one who put that food in your mouth. You are the one who sat on the couch all evening watching tv. If you continually blame things that are seemingly outside of your control, then you will never have the power to change things. You know you need to eat less and move more but you choose not to.   

You will never get where you want to be if you continually blame someone else or something for your lack of progress. If you want to stand out from the crowd you need to acknowledge that is all down to you. It was your thoughts, your words, your actions (or lack of), your decisions that brought you to where you are now. Nobody else- just you. 

So why don’t you change? 

Most people do not like the thought of change. That is because change involves risks. You run the risk of being unemployed, left alone,or ridiculed and judged by others. Making a change might take effort, money and time, it might be uncomfortable, difficult or confusing. So to avoid risking any of the uncomfortable feelings and experiences, you stay put and complain about it. You need to make the decision to stop complaining, to stop spending time with complainers and get on with creating the life of your dreams. 

The Bottom Line

You are the one who is creating your life the way it is as a result of your thoughts and actions. You are in charge of how you think, how you feel, what you say and what you do. You are also in charge of what you are exposed to with regards the books you read, the people you choose to spend time with, the films you watch and what you see in your world. Every action is under your control. 

Exercise: 

Step 1: Grab a pen and paper.  

Step 2: Write the heading ‘If I took 100% responsibility for my life and stopped playing the blame and complain game, how would my life look?’ Think about it for a while.  Would you still associate with the same people, would you put more effort into my work, would your lifestyle improve, would you cook healthier meals, would you say no more often, would you still be in your current job?

Step 3: Commit right now to begin to take responsibility for your own life. By doing this, your whole outlook on life will change.  It won’t happen overnight, but by taking a little step each day you can claim back the power you have given away and create the life you truly aspire to. 

Step 4: Acknowledge that it will take time and discipline but it will be worth it. Be prepared to raise your awareness to what you are doing and the results you are producing. The results never lie so use them as your personal compass.   

You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons or the wind, but you can change yourself- Jim Rohn  

Your Aspirations Coach, 
Paula

www.TheAspirationsCoach.com
info@theaspirationscoach.com

How to Let Go of 2011 and Embrace the New Year!

How to Let Go of 2011 and Embrace the New Year.

Most human beings mark their lives through rituals. We have weddings, funerals, naming ceremonies, birthday candles- all rituals to mark events.

Every year on the 31^st December, I find it incredibly beneficial to do a New Year Ritual or a Cleanse. This is something I’ve done for years without even consciously realising it. This process doesn’t involve making any resolutions because most of the time, I had always found that whatever vow I had made to myself on the 1^st January would fall by the wayside by the 10th! I used to revert back to old patterns and then make things worse by beating myself up for not sticking to my resolutions.

 Is there a better way to welcome in the New Year? Absolutely! We can decide not to make any resolutions and instead engage ourselves in a creative process of reflection and intention setting.

This New Year’s ritual that I’m sharing with you will support you in letting go of 2011 and clarifying your focus for the 2012 and beyond. So I invite you to follow this process, have a read through the steps and it’s important that you please feel free to change anything you wish in order for you to own it! 

Step 1:

On December 31st, schedule at least an hour of uninterrupted time for yourself. Get comfortable, light a candle if that’s your thing, perhaps put on some music. Get some crisp, clean paper and begin by writing the heading "2011 in Review.” Then, think over the year. Month by month remember events that happened, people you met, places you went, lessons you learned (or didn’t learn!), accomplishments, what you were happy about, what you were grateful for, struggles, funny moments, loves you had, loves you lost and so on. What is so great about looking at the year in this way is that you are able to notice how you have grown and express gratitude.  A year can pass so quickly and often we forget how much actually happened!

Step 2:

After you have gone through each month, I want you to consider the behaviour, beliefs or habits that you displayed that you’d like to leave behind. We all have our regrets and learning experiences, yet a lot of us tend to hold onto them much longer than we need to.  On a separate sheet of paper, write down what you would like to leave behind in 2011. For example, this year I want to leave behind feeling insecure and anxious when a new opportunity pops up! (I felt like it was one step forward, two steps back all year!), other examples could be excessive time watching tv or online, bad eating habits, listening to that little voice in your head saying ‘I can’t or I’m not good enough etc’, obsessing over anything or anyone. When you complete this list, rip it up into tiny pieces to really get rid of it. I usually burn mine!

Step 3:

If you want to, share your year in review with someone close to you. See what they recall, reminisce, and share a couple laughs. I do this sometimes with my sister or another close family member- it is incredible the difference one year can make and it’s really interesting to see how two people who would have gone through the same experience could have completely different perspectives, memories and reactions.

Step 4:

Make a toast to the end of the year. A few years ago, I had a pretty bad year - in fact it was just awful! One train wreck after another! I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed toasting the end of a year as much as I did for that year! And I got so excited that it was over and I was committed to ensuring the next year was outrageously fabulous and guess what, it was!  So however your year was, I would encourage you to say a few words of gratitude for the year, feel thankful for all the good, and even the bad and declare you are letting it go. At midnight on December 31st 2011, toast to releasing anything that no longer serves you. Some people need to give themselves permission to release thoughts, beliefs and feelings that no longer serve them so if you feel you need to do this, then do it. It’s your gift to yourself.

Step 5:

On 1^st January, you are beginning to create 2012. Light a new candle, put on some uplifting music, get comfortable . . . basically set the mood. Get yourself a new sheet of blank paper. As a suggestion, at the top I would encourage you to write your ‘Intention Statement’ for the year. Just a short sentence to set the mood for the year you wish to create- don’t worry about the details, that will come later. For example, this year ‘I am creating a year of inner peace, love, calmness and strength’. A great one I heard yesterday was ‘I am creating a year of outrageous joy!’ For some people, they find it helpful to state ‘I am allowing a year of ......’. Whatever works for you is right.

Step 6:

Now, without thinking or analysing, write down anything and everything that comes to your mind that you would like to create, have, do or be in 2012. Be specific, be creative and think big; don’t limit yourself! If there’s something you want to do, like a sun holiday but you don’t know how you could afford it- put it down anyway. I am a firm believer that you get what you focus on! You could win a holiday in 2012 ;) Write until your brain is empty - don't worry about being greedy! You have one life and it’s up to you to make things happen!

Note: write everything in present tense in the "I am" and use verbs to enthusiastically express what you want. For instance, "I am in the perfect relationship and my partner treats me with the love and respect I truly deserve.".

A lot of people also use pictures to add power to their intentions, for example, a picture of the new house you want, or the logo from the company you want to work for!

Step 7:

 Choose a place to display your list or poster. You can pick somewhere in your home where people are bound to notice or somewhere that only you can see it. It’s completely up to you. Or you can create an intention box and include this list as well as pictures and objects that are symbolic or meaningful to you. (It could be a good reason to get yourself that new pair of shoes- you need the box!).

Step 8:

Throughout the year, review your list, poster, box as often as you can. Read over what you have written and feel free to add to it or amend things. Keep an eye out for opportunities that arise and take them. Don’t second guess yourself. Observe with gratitude as the things you want in your life begin to come to you. Don’t beat yourself up or get discouraged if things don;t seem to be shifting- Persistence is key. Ask yourself ‘Is there anything else I could be doing to bring this into my life? How can I make this happen today?  Remember focusing on the good things that we have and how lucky we are is the best way to get more of that type of circumstance and experience.

New Years Eve and day will come and go like any other day but I would encourage you to give yourself the gift of this ritual. Get out of your own way for 2012 and resolve this year to take the steps to truly live.

Happy New Year to you All!

P.S. If you would like extra support in 2012, why not consider signing up for 6 months of one-to-one coaching sessions.  Special rate of €199 for 6 x 1 hour sessions, monthly from January to June if you mention this blog! Hurry though, as this offer is limited!

“You are the Michelangelo of your own life. The David you are sculpting is you.” Dr Joe Vitale

Paula, Your Aspirations Coach

www.TheAspirationsCoach.com

info@theaspirationscoach.com

Life Coach for a Day

Conquering Your Quarter-Life Crisis

Discover Who You Are, What You Really Want and How To Get It.

An exclusive opportunity to spend an entire day, one-to-one with quarter life crisis expert Paula Coogan.

Have you reached a point in your twenties where you are asking yourself ‘Is this it?’. Are you disillusioned with your life at the moment? Do you feel like you should have it all figured out by now?

With over 4 years experience in coaching and a lifelong passion for self-development, Paula Coogan has gone from stressed out, disillusioned quarter lifer in the midst of crisis to a confident, successful business owner with the lifestyle of her dreams and NOW wants to teach you the SECRET to Conquering Your Quarter-Life Crisis.

Paula has spent the past few years helping twenty-somethings transform their lives and has the insight and expertise to quickly identify the source and solution for your quarter-life crisis. She holds a Diploma (Distinction) in Life and Executive Coaching, has over 5000 hours devoted to coaching and working with clients and is personally mentored by Fiona Harrold, the UK's top life coach and author.

‘I wanted to change my life and move from a dead end job. Paula was really easy to talk to and her style put me at ease quickly. I had wanted to become a beauty therapist when I left school but I had never done anything about it and believed that I couldn’t do it now. With Paula coaching me, I realised that I had so much potential and I could do anything I set my mind to. I enrolled at college and I passed the course with a pass mark of over 90% and now earn 4 x more per hour than I did before.  Thanks to Paula I am doing what I always wanted to do’

D. Delaney, Beauty Therapist and Quarter Lifer

This is a ‘life turnaround’ experience designed for individuals who are experiencing a quarter life crisis and want to get clarity and direction- fast.

This day is perfect for you if.....

• You have reached a point in your twenties and are wondering ‘How did I get here?’
• You have achieved exactly what you wanted and are wondering ‘Is this it?’
• You feel confused and uncertain as to what to do next
• You find it difficult to make decisions and commit to a particular course of action
• You are feeling pressured to ‘settle down’.
• You are feeling overwhelmed
• You recognise the value of working with a quarter life crisis mentor who has been where you are now and come through the other side.

“I found Paula to be an absolutely powerful force in my life when she was coaching me. She inspired me, got me to see things from different angles and kept me on the path to success. She was also highly supportive and a pleasure to get coached by. I would highly recommend Paula to anyone considering a coach!”

L. Keith, Career Coach and Quarter Lifer

During Your Day with Paula, you will:

Discover the answers to the three main questions Quarter-lifers are asking:

 

• Who Am I?
• What Do I Want?
• How Do I Get What I Want?
• Leave with a personal action plan – and your route to managing your twenties.

Paula set up her own coaching and mentoring business, The Aspirations Coach to work specifically with quarter-lifers. She usually works with clients for a minimum of two months. Now, for the first time she is offering to work with you in a concentrated one-off day to identify how you can Conquer Your Quarter-Life Crisis- Discover who you are, what you want and how to get it. Don’t waste another moment second guessing yourself!

‘Paula listened to everything I said and helped me to become aware of certain reasons for my behaviour. Working with Paula made me realise that I give away too much of my power to other people and that I was too hard on myself. As soon as I could see that clearly I changed my attitude and learned to take responsibility for my own life.’

E. Fitzpatrick, Quarter Lifer, Dublin

Act Now to Reserve Your Place

You could spend thousands of euro and years of wasted time trying to find your way through your twenties, trying various things that don’t really fit, or you could spend one full day with Paula, get clear on who you are, what you want, how to get it,  pinpoint your priorities and craft a plan for your twenties to guarantee your success from this day forward.

Email Paula at info@theaspirationscoach.com and she’ll get straight back to you.

Your Investment....

Paula is offering the first 3 clients to book the opportunity to work with her a special ‘Early Bird’ rate of only €149 (usually €297) giving you a saving of €150.

BONUS

As well as entire one-to-one day with Paula, you will receive a BONUS 30 minute follow-up call within 7 days.

Paula Coogan, Your Aspirations Coach

www.TheAspirationsCoach.com

info@theaspirationscoach.com

Life is a Daring Adventure or nothing at all

This is a quote by Helen Keller who was an American writer and social activist born in 1880. She was born in perfect health however an illness when she was 19 months old left her blind and deaf.

I had heard of Helen Keller in school and I had always thought; how can a person with such a crippling disability make a statement like that? How could she choose to see life as a daring adventure? Did she not curse the world and ask ‘Why me?’ How could she hold more passion and conviction in one statement than many people have in their entire lives? What made her so special?

This is a brief extract for her auto-biography, ‘The Story of My Life’ written in 1903.

‘We walked down the path to the well-house, attracted by the fragrance of the honeysuckle with which it was covered. Someone was drawing water and my teacher placed my hand under the spout. As the cool stream gushed over one hand she spelled into the other the word water, first slowly, then rapidly. I stood still, my whole attention fixed upon the motions of her fingers. Suddenly I felt a misty consciousness as of something forgotten — a thrill of returning thought; and somehow the mystery of language was revealed to me. I knew then that "w-a-t-e-r" meant the wonderful cool something that was flowing over my hand. That living word awakened my soul, gave it light, hope, joy, set it free! There were barriers still, it is true, but barriers that could in time be swept away.

I left the well-house eager to learn. Everything had a name, and each name gave birth to a new thought. As we returned to the house every object which I touched seemed to quiver with life. That was because I saw everything with the strange, new sight that had come to me’.

Her use of language, her passion and enthusiasm for life is incredible and inspiring. She embraced life and everything that came her way. She was eager, excited- it was an adventure.

Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all. Helen Keller hit the nail on the head. There are very few people who see it like that though. We’re far too concerned with the day-to-day grind that we don’t stop and just think ‘wow’. We have become habituated to all the incredible things around us and we just don’t see them anymore. We are blind.

Imagine if we decided that we would choose to experience our life as an adventure? How would are experiences differ from what we are currently experiencing? What would we say ‘yes’ to? What would we say ‘no’ to? What would you whole-heartedly embrace and what would you decide to no longer tolerate in your life?

How would your life change? How would you change?

Your Aspirations Coach

www.TheAspirationsCoach.com